After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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