just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am mentally ready for anal.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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