I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
honey bunches of taint.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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