He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
now i know why i became what i already was.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
