I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
