Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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