I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
