I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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