i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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