I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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