This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
