Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
