There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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