Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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