if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I would fuck him just for his dog
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