well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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