Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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