Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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