I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She swung at the pinata with crutches
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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