I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
