you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
