So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
