Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
