Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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