I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
