I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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