I love black thongs
Someone shit on the floor
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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