whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
