I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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