you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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