you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
