I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
