eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
