so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
