Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
