Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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