Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
