: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
