i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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