just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
