Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
