How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
