Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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