he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
