They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
