Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
