tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
