so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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