But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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