Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
