You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
