you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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