no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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