Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
