Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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