Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
