Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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