Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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