Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
