3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
