My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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