I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
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Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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