Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
