Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up under a house in Key West
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
