i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
