and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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