She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
