Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
