do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
