I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
