Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
